Do you find it hard to attract people? Is it difficult for you to make friends? You may be unknowingly giving off vibes that mark you as unapproachable. That makes it hard to widen your social circle. It can even affect your current relationships as friends are unable to talk openly with you for fear of your reaction.

For that very same reason, you may not have even noticed it yet. Get started with relationship coaching and become more approachable now.

How do you know if you’re unapproachable?

Your behaviour can make people think you are unapproachable, even when you think of yourself as a kind, caring person.

Facial expression. Your face gives people cues as to whether or not they can approach you. A smile will have you looking easier to talk to. A stern frown, on the other hand, communicates to people that you would rather be alone. You might have a naturally intimidating face that puts people off (a common problem), but you can fix this by working on smiling more often.

A friend or colleague may have pointed this out to you. If they haven’t, you can find someone you trust and ask for an honest opinion.

Constantly busy. Are you always doing something? Always on your phone or laptop typing away at it at the office, coffee shop, party? That tends to send the message that you would rather not be disturbed. So, don’t get shocked when people leave you to your work and fail to approach you.

Relationship coaches can help you find out why you feel the need to look busy all the time, and you can start to be free, put your phone away and interact with those around you.

Body language. Sometimes your body language may make you look unfriendly to people. When you have your arms crossed in front of you, for instance, people will be less inclined to strike up conversation. Think consciously of how you are projecting yourself, whether it’s defensively or open, the next time you are out in public.

Aggressive demeanour. When you shut someone down in the middle of their sentences, they probably won’t like it. Being unnecessarily loud might also throw people off. While confidence is a wonderful quality to have, you don’t want to intimidate people or leave them with the wrong opinion of you. Learn communication skills through coaching so that people don’t mistake your assertiveness for aggression or rudeness.

It doesn’t take much to be likeable. With a few tweaks to your behaviour and reactions here and there, you will notice people start to warm up to you and make friends with you more readily. However, breaking bad habits can be difficult.

Identify the issues that detach you from people, and work on strategies to overcome them. Learn how to be more friendly and naturally approachable. Sign up for sessions with a relationship coach to get started.

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